Top 10 sports pretty boys
Mo Arora / Askmen.com
"Nice game, pretty boy!"
So said Cosmo Kramer derisively at New York Mets first baseman Keith Hernandez in an episode of Seinfeld, prompting a rapidly escalating spitting incident that teaches us all a valuable lesson: There are few taunts more offensive in the lexicon of sport than "pretty boy."In the ultra-masculine domain of athletics, this term calls into question your manhood, toughness and heart. Worse, still, it is often true.
Of course, an athlete must be more than simply good looking in order to be labeled a "pretty boy." In the world of sports, a "pretty boy" is someone whose prodigious talent is often overshadowed by his looks and off-field image. A "pretty boy" is someone whose Achilles' Heel is that he invites jokes about breaking a heel.
With that in mind, here's a list of the athletes most likely to whine about the officiating every time he misses a shot, or maybe he just owns The Notebook on DVD.
Here is a top 10 list of pretty boys in sports.
10. Tom Brady, NFL quarterback
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| Tom Brady with his girlfriend, Bridget Moynahan. (Evan Agostini / Getty Images) |
Whether it's dating Hollywood starlet Bridget Moynahan or being named one of People magazine's "50 Most Beautiful People," Brady has made the most of his time in the limelight more than any other quarterback since Joe Namath appeared in a television commercial wearing pantyhose.
Pretty boy low point: Performing a sketch on Saturday Night Live in his briefs.
9. Alexandre Daigle, NHL forward
Hockey fans will surely remember the hype surrounding Daigle when the Ottawa Senators selected him first in the NHL draft in 1993, ahead of Chris Pronger and Paul Kariya.
Though Daigle was a bust on the ice, he managed to parlay his 15 minutes of fame into a 15-minute romance with Pamela Anderson and an attempted career in Hollywood in 2000. He returned to hockey after that dream failed to materialize and remade himself into a role player with the Minnesota Wild for a brief period, but the man who set a record for the largest starting salary in league history never justified that kind of value on the ice.
Pretty boy low point: Daigle's ironic draft day quote: "I'm glad I got drafted first because no one remembers number two," when the perennial All-Star and former league MVP Pronger was taken second.
8. Joey Harrington, NFL quarterback
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| Joey Harrington's career totally fizzled in Detroit. (Elsa / Getty Images) |
Sure, he's been a disappointment so far in his NFL career. Sure, he's said to have a weak, inaccurate arm. And sure, his best trait, his leadership skills, didn't appear in his time with the Detroit Lions before being shipped off to Miami in 2006. But it's Harrington's willingness to appear in teen magazines and his love of the piano that lands him on this list.
Sure, playing jazz on the piano is an impressive skill, but quarterbacks are supposed to have a certain swagger about them, like Dirty Harry Callahan. Instead, Harrington evokes Harry Connick Jr.
Pretty boy low point: Appearing in Seventeen magazine. Seriously, come on man.
7. Jose Theodore, NHL goalie
Theodore splashed onto the NHL scene in 2001-02 when he led the Montreal Canadiens to a first-round playoff upset of the top-ranked Boston Bruins and took home awards for the league's top goaltender and MVP. Since then, his career has been up-and-mostly-down, but his army of female fans haven't seemed to mind gazing at him on the bench as much as he's been on the ice.
February 2006 was a tough month for him, as he tested positive for a masking agent that was revealed to have been an active ingredient in the hair replacement medicine Propecia, which Theodore took as a precautionary measure. Then, a week later, he slipped on some ice and broke his heel. Literally.
Pretty boy low point: During the 2005-06 season, a female Canadiens fan jokingly listed Theodore on Ebay as a "slightly used, washed-up Habs goalie," and received over 80,000 bids.
6. Ian Thorpe, Olympic swimmer
Like most Olympians, sports fans only care about them for two weeks every four years. But Thorpe's fan base has been cultivated mostly through marketing in the time between Olympiads. He's a sensation in Japan and a tourism ambassador for his native Australia. Points are also deducted for Thorpe not being interested in sports, but rather fashion. He is an ambassador for Armani and has his own line of designer jewelry.
Pretty boy low point: Playing his trade in front of an international audience in Speedos, perhaps?
5. Fredrik Ljungberg, soccer winger
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| Fredrik Ljungberg is known more in some circles for his underwear ads than his soccer skills. (Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images) |
Ljungberg is a classic example of an athlete whose fame is somewhat of a mystery, since it can't be attributed to his play on the field. Ljungberg has put up modest numbers on English Premier League team Arsenal and for the Swedish national team, but his gig as a Calvin Klein underwear model seems to be working out for him. Ljungberg seems destined to be one of those athletes who takes home more "Hottest Athlete" awards than he does sporting accolades.
Pretty boy low point: In Sweden, he had a plethora of golden opportunities to score in its shocking draw with Trinidad and Tobago in the 2006 World Cup. None came from the foot of Ljungberg, who was seemingly invisible during the entire match.
4. Johnny Damon, baseball outfielder
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| Johnny Damon has cleaned up his act since signing with the Yankees. (Bryan Bedder / Getty Images) |
What a difference a $52 million contract makes! Damon rose to prominence as the bearded, longhaired member of the "idiots" who helped the Boston Red Sox capture their first World Series championship in 86 years. But in 2005, after being lured away by the deeper pockets of the rival New York Yankees, Damon reported to spring training sans beard and with a neatly shorn hairdo, completing the transition from "idiot" to "corporate." In addition, Damon has a reputation within baseball clubhouses as being a creepily ardent admirer of his own butt. Finally, despite his remarkable ability to chase down fly balls in center field, he throws about as well as your 11-year-old niece.
Pretty boy low point: Appearing on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy for a makeover.
3. Rafael Nadal, tennis player
It's hard to argue with the Spanish phenomenon's early success, since he is the only man on the planet who can challenge the world's top-ranked player, Roger Federer. But Nadal spends an alarming amount of energy on his ultra-flashy tennis outfits, and his win-loss record is skewed by the fact that he's a much better player on clay than on other surfaces.
There is a risk that he could become another Carlos Moya or Gustavo Kuerten, a clay court monster who is just ordinary on other surfaces. If Nadal wants off this list, he needs to show that he's dedicated to developing his game more than developing a new line of apparel.
Pretty boy low point: Hoisting the French Open championship trophy ... in Capri pants.
2. Alex Rodriguez, baseball third baseman
A dubious choice, perhaps, since A-Rod is the reigning American League MVP. And this isn't simply resentment over the 10-year, $252 million contract he was signed to by the Texas Rangers. The man puts up huge numbers, but any boss writing a check with that many zeroes deserves some return on his investment. Unfortunately, all Rodriguez has delivered is a knack for coming up with his biggest hits at the most inopportune times, like when his team is up or down by six runs.
Every time you see him ground into a game-ending double play with the bases loaded you're reminded that "choke artist" is a symptom of being a "pretty boy."
Pretty boy low point: Slapping the ball out of Boston Red Sox pitcher Bronson Arroyo's glove in the 2004 ALCS when he was about to be tagged out.
1. David Beckham, soccer midfielder
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| Much of the credit for David Beckham's appeal can go to his wife, Victoria. (Andrew Wong / Getty Images) |
Who else could be considered for the top spot, but the man on whom the metrosexuality trend is based? In a sport where diving and faking an injury are skills as prized as dribbling and passing in the NBA, Beckham is the King of queens.
Mr. Posh Spice is the prototypical pretty boy: His celebrity is grounded in his looks, hairstyles, wardrobe, famous wife and his ability to, well, bend it like Beckham. All of these factors add up to overshadow the fact that he's far from the best soccer player in the world. Sure, he's very good, but he's a second-tier player and only the third-best midfielder on his own team. He's still the guy whose red card against Argentina dashed England's World Cup hopes in 1998, and he's still the guy whose missed penalty kick sank England in the 2004 Euro Cup. But his Mohawks sure are pretty, aren't they?
Pretty boy low point: Getting a stylish, but misspelled tattoo of his wife's name written in Sanskrit on his shoulder.
Got them pretty boy blues
Well, there you have it. You would be hard-pressed to find a prettier bunch of athletes. These 10 sportsmen have achieved various levels of success in their respective sports, but they certainly wouldn't have reached their levels of stardom had they not been so well-dressed and well-manicured. It just goes to show that, for these athletes, it pays to spend as much time in the bathroom as they do on the field.
