Top 10 signs you're a fantasy football addict

Roger Rotter / FOXSports.com

Getting married recently has remedied many of my bad habits, such as eating with my mouth open, letting laundry pile on the floor and failing to put items back in the refrigerator after I've made myself a sandwich and have retired to the couch for an afternoon of TV. Thankfully, my wife knew that "in sickness and in health" also means that my addiction to fantasy football may never be cured.

Still, there's much to be said for being responsible, though not just with your fantasy football team. Based upon my experience and hearsay, here are 10 signs that will let you know if you are a fantasy football addict. That can be good or bad, depending on your point of view!

Top 10 signs you're a fantasy football addict

10. You check your fantasy team's box score while the rest of the family opens holiday gifts.

There's nothing wrong with checking your fantasy team's performance in the fantasy title game. Just make sure it doesn't coincide with opening holiday gifts together with family. But is it mere coincidence that the fantasy championships arrive at the same time as the winter holidays? Or is this a test by league executives and TV programming gurus to see where your faith truly lies?

Yet there's much to celebrate if you win titles and put championship rings on your fingers. It's a wonderful feeling when you check the box score at midnight on Christmas Eve and your team has defeated your most despised rival. Good cheer to all! Who cares about gifts, right?

9. You'd rather watch a Thanksgiving Day blowout instead of feasting at the dinner table.

Though you live out of town hundreds of miles away from your parents, you cannot pull yourself away from the TV and avoid watching Detroit get thumped 49-0 by Denver late in the fourth quarter. Who needs to give thanks at the dinner table on Thanksgiving Day when you can thank the Lord for creating fantasy football after your player scores three touchdowns in a game? Hey, touchdowns still count for fantasy in lopsided games.

8. You miss work for one straight week waiting for the DirectTV installer to stop by when he never does.

It's imperative that you have to watch 1,536 hours of football to stay atop of your fantasy league and expertly switch channels at every break in the action without missing a play.

7. You arrive an hour late at a date with a hottie because you were picking up players on the waiver wire.

She's gone and so are your chances of scoring with a future lingerie model. But you secured the player who will land you a championship. Thank you, Kurt Warner and Larry Johnson.

6. You're the best man at your friend's wedding and you remember to take your cell phone to consummate a trade, but not the ring, on the morning of the wedding.

You never know when the frantic owner who wants to unload a star after one bad week for three mediocre players will change his mind.

5. While your wife is busy preparing for a romantic night out on your Paris honeymoon, you sneak away to check your fantasy team in the hotel lobby. (This really did happen. ... What can I say? I'm an addict, too!).

Remember, due diligence is what keeps a fantasy marriage going!

4. You list your fantasy football winnings as a tax deduction for work-related expenses.

Yes, those 50 man hours you spend per week on the work computer come in handy!

3. The $100 US Savings Bond that was supposed to go to a nephew was spent on a fantasy football entrance fee.

You know you'll win the league and then split the earnings later ... or maybe 10 years later.

2. You spend more time studying for your fantasy football game than your college final history exams.

Twenty years later, will I remember which Congress bill passed in 1904 or that I won at fantasy football in 2005?

And finally, here's the No. 1 sign that you're a fantasy football addict:

1. Your biggest fantasy involves a trophy, and it's not found in the Playboy Mansion.